Politickles by F.R. Duplantier
KERRY DOCTRINE
"If we take the preemptive track
With an enemy like Iraq,
My first 'global test"
Is the plan must be blest
By the country we aim to attack."
THE GREAT BUMPKIN
Linus scans the nightscape scary
For a form imaginary:
There, looming tall
Like an orange ball,
Is a pumpkin-colored Kerry!
KERRY SCHEMATIC
"If the voters could only see
How I windsurf and snowboard and ski,
How I take nature hikes
And ride mountain bikes,
I'm quite certain they'd vote for me."
RABBIT REACTION
John Kerry's "bunny day"
Was such a funny day,
But to friends in France
His silly stance
Was not a "bonne idée."
SWIFT BOAST COMMANDER
"Stubbed a toe and broke a nail!
Cracked a tooth on bread too stale!
Suffered Wound Number Three
On a seesaw, see --
When a splinter pierced my tail!"
BRANDED BROTHER
Should we boo or should we applaud
One so fine or fatally flawed?
Is John Kerry a hero
Or despicable zero,
Man of honor or posturing fraud?
KERRY THROUGH
In July he was poising to pounce,
His opponent to properly trounce,
But that kind of coup
Is not easy to do
When you start with a negative bounce!
HARE-Y KERRY
He was known for a manner imperious,
With pretensions that now seem delirious,
For a man in the habit
Of a powder-blue rabbit
Can't expect to be taken too serious.
KERRY COURTING
"Such an offer I couldn't refuse,
And so I decided to choose
A man second to me
Who would handle for free
A big class action suit if we lose."
KERRY OVER THE THRESHOLD
"It was easy determining which
Helpmate to have in a hitch:
I'm less likely to lose
If I'm careful to choose
A partner who's terribly rich."
KERRY, KERRY, QUITE CONTRARY
"Yes, I threw all my medals away!
Yes, I still have them all on display!
How can these two
Contradictions be true?
It depends on the time of day."
EASY SQUEEZE
When John F. Kerry signs
On dotted bottom lines,
At the end of the day
Who has to pay --
Is it him or is it Heinz?
KERRY SUPPORTER
"If that hard core I remember
Leaves me hanging in November,
Instead of a sock,
My new 'Wonder Jock'
Will help rally the Party member."
UNIVERSAL SUFFRAGE?
"There's no hope for a John F. Kerry win,
'Cause there aren't enough John F. Kerry men
-- Unless (make a note!)
The whole world could vote:
John's the choice of the non-American."
IRISH TOO
"Must he make it so hard to keep track?
First he's French, then he's Jewish, then Black."
"Aye and begorra,
Sure'n tomorrow
It's the Irish John Kerry comes back."
CASHIER KERRY
If Lieutenant John Kerry defamed
All the vets he said murdered and maimed,
Should these victims of slander
Make Kerry Commander --
Or ensure that the charlatan's shamed?
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