WIFE SENTENCE
As evolving positions now gel,
He pronounces this travesty swell,
But you might change your view
About "gay marriage," too,
If you'd married a mate like Michelle.

DREAMS FROM MY FEATHERBRAIN
"Like a Ninja, I crept 'til I'd gotten
To a spot I could get a good shot in,
Zeroed in on my game,
And then took a dead aim,
Singlehandedly killing bin Laden."

COMMITTMENT
When Mitt Romney takes office, we will
Be enacting on Capitol Hill
A total repeal
Of Obama's Bad Deal:
We can call it the Romneybus Bill.

CHOW TIME
At the Kmart, the president got
A new 16-quart stainless steel pot;
He'd been getting much thinner,
So he had friends for dinner:
Rex, King, Rover, Spike, Fido and Spot.

IRONIC CURTAIN
You're not really "transparent" at all:
When youÕre asked for your records, you stall;
You keep everything hidden,
Public access forbidden.
Mr. President, tear down this wall!

RUSSIAN
"Please, Vlady, let's slow down the pace,
You really must give me more space,
Because after November
I'll have time to dismember
What's left of the United States."

SAWBUCKS
"We affirm all the airheads who stop
For the beverages brewed in our shop:
If such customers think
That we're green and we're pink,
They will purchase more cups of our slop."

CHINESE BANDITS
We are told that our nation's in debt
And our balance of trade is upset,
But our deficit's swollen
Because China has stolen
All American goods it could get.

GRAVE RESPONSIBILITY
Though his body will surely decay,
A dead Democrat's ballot may stay:
He moves in with the moles,
But remains on the rolls
And continues to vote anyway.

FLUKES
"I may act like a female mutt
And have multiple partners, but
That doesn't mean
You can be obscene
And call me a you-know-what."

WATCHDOGS
"There's just too much at stake,
We've got other muck to rake,
So, thanks, Sheriff Joe,
But we'd rather not know
If the birth certificate's fake."

WHOSE SARI NOW?
"Mr. President, hazard a guess:
What's an Indian word for a dress?"
"Gee, I'm scratching my head.
Hmm, uh, sorry," he said.
"That was it, Mr. President, yes!"

FREELOADER
What began with such grand expectations
As a quest for the best destinations
Finds Michelle scaling back
When it's up to Barack
To finance his own family's vacations.

(DOING) THE OBAMA
Two steps forward and bow like Barack.
Arms akimbo, a single step back.
Now a shuffle in place
With a smile on your face.
Two steps forward and bow like Barack . . .

IN HOC SIGNO VINCES
Raise high the holy cross
And show them Who is boss:
Fight the merchants of death
With every breath
And never count the cost.

RINOPLASTY
"If you don't want your votes cast in vain,
Then wash Newt, Rick, and Ron down the drain;
Accept candidate Romney
As the mandated nominee:
Be consoled with a clone of McCain!"

OATHBUSTER
When he swore, did Obama intend
To preserve and protect and defend?
Were his motives all wrong,
Did he plan all along
To presume and project and upend?

SYMBOL-MINDED
When the persons we honor today
Turn out to have had feet of clay,
When our heavily hyped heroes
Are exposed as mere zeroes,
What a lesson their statues convey!

CITIZENSHIPWRECK
"We don't care who's the better debater
Or superior administrator,
We would rather not choose
Who will win, who will lose:
Can we just make somebody dictator?"

2012
At last, the moment's here:
The beginning of the year
In which Barack
Is beaten back
And tossed out on his ear!